Thursday, January 13, 2011

The tough stuff

This week has been tough. Really tough.

A friend passed away this week. You see tragedy on the television, you hear about it through the blogosphere, but it never really feels the same until it hits close to home.

This situation was extremely hard because we were just celebrating his wedding this past summer and now he is gone. The moment Dan told me, I couldn’t stop thinking about his wife and the day they got married. I remember watching him looking at her and thinking to myself, “Everyone should have this.” I cried that day, as I have in the recent days. He had such a good heart and loved the people around him, it was easy to see. He lived life to the fullest. He filled up a life, which was too short.

It is hard to find just the right words or to know exactly what to do or feel in situations like this. I kept picturing this man and his beautiful bride on their wedding day...
I took down my pen the day after we heard the news and wrote this letter to Dan. It’s sad that such tragic events cause us to have feelings and thoughts that we wouldn’t have otherwise.


I can’t wait to marry you. I can’t wait to call you my husband. I can’t wait to kiss you the first time as my HUSBAND! I look forward to making beautiful babies with you—I hope they have your lips, my eyes, your compassion, and my determination. I can’t wait to teach our little people how to build blanket-forts and learn to skateboard. To appreciate The Beatles, The Flaming Lips, and Johnny Cash. I can’t wait to teach them about black and white movies and introduce them to Legos. Most importantly, I can’t wait to teach them how to live a good life: be good to those around you, don’t be afraid to lend a hand (or an ear) when you can. To try new things and to love without fear. To say “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong.”

Until then, until those great memories etch their way into our hearts and souls, I pledge to live our lives with more passion and adventure. Too often we wait for something bad to happen and wish “I would’ve…” I don’t want us to every say that.

Let 2011 be the year for US. We are only in this moment once—let us live it up. (Year from now, with our little dark haired babies asleep in the next room, I don’t want us to say that we should have done more before they came into our lives.)

I know we are limited by money (and free time) but we aren’t limited on creativity and love. This year, let’s get out and try new things—explore the places (and people) around us. Let’s allow life to sink in. This may mean slowing down a little and taking a breath and feel the moment with everything we have.

Sitting here in the silence, with Fergus warming my feet, I realize all our blessings. We have built a great life together (on our own, on our own time): we have a dog, a house/home, amazing friendships, good jobs, and a love for each other. Our little slice of Earth. To think, we have it all because you took a chance on me. If you think about it…it’s pretty amazing we ever found each other. We really are the luckiest.
All my love, for always,


All I can say is, squeeze the people you love extra tight tonight.  Kiss them often.  Tell them you love them.  Show them you love them.  Love with all you have.  Take this life and make it whatever you want it to be: it's yours to make.

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